Blossoming

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⁠⁠⁠This is it.

A fresh start.

I’ve deleted every ounce of what was left of feigenoir.wordpress.com, or what was then changed to lightofmycrown.wordpress.com

I told myself that I would want to be happy, and that I will make happiness on my own but — all the posts I’ve written are only full of self pity. There were so much contradictions and it came to the point where I’ve gotten confused by my own self.

What I wrote wasn’t what I wanted to portray and it became so tiring to try to comprehend the things that I felt even if I wasn’t. It was as if, I only thought I felt those emotions, but penning them down as a whole; didn’t feel right.

My mind and heart weren’t functioning as one and I knew then, that I needed to be in control of my emotions — not the other way around.

Of course my writing styles wouldn’t be different, but maybe the feelings they’d give would differ. Not entirely perhaps, but aha..

Even I am unsure.

So let’s start over — by at least trying to be true to myself and to others.

And speaking of others, I would like to sincerely apologise to one of my old followers, whose name I do know and whom I’ve conversed with before so many times. And wallah you’re the only one person I know near acquaintance level as compared to other followers.

I felt bad for knowing who you are. As a person and as a blogger mayhap, but you don’t know who I am even when we’ve spoken to each other for countless times.

And I never wished to disappoint, because maybe I wasn’t the person you’d expect me to be in real life. But this is me– wanting to be truthful to myself. I guess this might be the first step.

All I can tell you, is that we’re from the same Interest Group. Perhaps this term can help in realising who I might be, and if it couldn’t — would BE, help?

I don’t know if you’d be interested or curious enough to know, but even if you’re not; I guess things still wouldn’t change? Because I am able to come forward and accept myself as who I am supposed to be. We’d still be reading each other’s posts and hey, things would grow to be more fun. And it’s not that we’re close in the first place, so…
Who knows?

And if you are interested, I know you’d find a way to reply to this without me needing to expose myself directly.

Until then..

May we all work towards being a better us, for ourselves

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